I have put this post off for a couple of days because there were important family and friends who needed to know first. And honestly, as Steve and I process the latest news, me all looped up on narcotics pain-killers, I have been at a loss for how I will write about it here.
So here it is: As of yesterday, I am officially in home hospice care. It is time for me to start preparing to die. It's so surreal. We're still trying to work through the many emotions that come from this news — sadness, fear, worry that I won't get everything done in time. And yet, there's also a sense that this final part of my journey might perhaps be one of the most amazing and spiritual times of my life.
Dr. S said the tumors in my right lung look worse — that "most of my right lung is occupied by tumor and liquid associated by the tumor." The tumors have also pushed my liver inward quite a bit. He said he didn't think any more could be done with chemo or surgery or radiation, and in the end, I think both he, Steve and me were on the same page.
Home hospice has already come in and set up a hospital bed in our room that makes my sleeping much more comfortable. In fact, I'm floored by the helpful, compassionate attitude that comes with this program. I never wanted to die in the hospital, and hospice will enable me to die surrounded by my loved ones in my home. Steve has always supported me in this, and I am so grateful.
I'll write more later. Right now, I need to go rest. Meanwhile, I will leave you with the link to my latest Catholic Spirit column, which came out in yesterday's issue. It's what's been on my mind for the past week and a half, and had I not written about it for the Spirit, I'd have spent quite a bit of time reflecting on it here. Enjoy.
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251 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 251 of 251Emilie,
I am here from the Lost & Found newsletter and am deeply moved by your story and the outpouring of love and support displayed on this page, showing just how many lives you've touched. I just want you to know that I, too, will keep you, your husband and your beloved boys in my thoughts and prayers. Wishing you peace and all the comfort of God's love.
Emilie, I have been following you for awhile now and I have been in awe of the way you have handled your cancer. I hope for peace and comfort for you and your family.
I'm here from L&F and I wanted to offer a prayer for you.
Dear God,
I ask that You embrace Emilie in Your arms, Lord, and bring her comfort and peace in this time of need. Please be with her and her family, Lord, and help them through this time.
May Emilie's remaining days spent on Earth be filled with the love of her family and friends, and may she know Your love and kindness.
Bless her Lord.
In Jesus' name,
Amen
You and your family is in my prayers. May God sweep you into his arms and cradle you there.
Emilie,
Even though you are no longer able to read this, I just wanted to say that your family is in my thoughts and prayers for strength in this difficult time. You have touched so many lives and will continue to do so as your legacy lives on.
God be with you.
Here from L&F. You and your family are in my thoughts. May God grant you peace.
Emilie,I know we don't know each other but I read on Nancy's page about your condition and as I read your latest blog,here I sit just crying for you.May God bless you and your family during this time.
I'm over from Lost and Found and am so touched by your post. And I'm so sorry for your pain. And for your fear and for your family's pain and fear. I pray for peace and strength to come to you and stay with you and your husband and boys. I thank God for holding your hand through this..through the dark depths of the sea and through the light.
My God, Emilie. I am so sorry. Your voice sounds full of quiet and calm, and I'm relieved that you will be home, but still, I am so so sorry.
I am mostly a lurker but wanted you to know that I am praying for you.
Emilie,
I am praying for you and your beautiful family! You are truly an inspiration to me. You are such a strong person, and I know God has a plan for us all. I pray you are able to find joy in the days to come with your family.
Kathy
I have found your blog for the first time. I am so sorry. I will pray for you and for your family as you enter the last phase of your life.
God bless you and may you find comfort in His arms.
Emilie, You are beyond amazing. Don and I have been walking around today wringing our hands with glistening eyes and giving extra hugs to each other and the children. I know our sadness, anger and fear for you is only a fraction of what you are all going through. You are amazing for being such a caring person to direct us to your own words in your beautiful article to focus instead on the joy of the present. Even as you share the news of your impending death, you take care of others. You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever known. Thank you for your words that always seems to make the world and every day life precious and special. You are all in our constant prayers.
Love, Cyndy, Don and the babes
Praying for you, may these days be peaceful and my the Lord bring you and your family comfort and strength. Thank you for all the blessings you have given me. You are very much loved and your memory will always be eternal. God Bless you and your precious family, Emilie.
May you continue to be blessed with wisdom, insight, and peace as you continue your journey. Thank you so much for sharing your amazing voice with all of us. I appreciate it so much, and the article will stay with me for a long, long time.
Bless you Emilie. My thoughts and healing energy are coming your way. Much love-Teal Marie
Wordgirl sent me your way. Remember you are connected with all you love forever - in this life and the next.....You will always matter and you will continue to matter.
Emilie,
I have been reading your blog for several weeks (months?). I found you through Josh Isaac. All I can wish you is Godspeed. You have touched many lives, including lives of people that you don't know, like myself. You are in my prayers and more.
David Schwartz
Seattle
Emilie~you have touched more people than you will ever know.
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy.
You are inspiring to those who don't even know you.
Thinking of you and your family.
I will continue to pray for you, and your family. May God guide, and may angels stay with you.
Your strength and faith amazes and inspires me.
Blessings and Prayers,
Erin
I have just found your blog, and all I can say is how amazing you are. You are a strong, loving, compassionate woman. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
God Bless you
~Gina
Thank you for leaving your wonderful imprint upon this earth. We were all blessed to have shared you with your husband and sons.
Peace and blessings.
It's obvious how much love you have in your life from family and friends from all these comments. I pray that hospice care is positive for you and your whole family. God bless you, Emilie.
I wish I had wisdom. I wish I knew more what to say. All I can say is that I have been inspired by your words and your life. Gd bless you and keep you now and always.
Today I am really enjoying looking back on the Lemmondrops' archives, Emilie, and reading about happier times -- like how after Daniel was born by c-section, everyone in the operating room sang "Happy Birthday" to him and how you cried tears of joy. You are a gifted writer, and I know your sons will read your memories of these times again and again throughout their lives. -- Molly Guthrey Millett
Hi Emilie...I dont know you but I read Jill's (Averitt) and I saw her prayer request for you so I read yours. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnoses. I will keep you in my prayers as well as your family through this most difficult time. Just draw closer to God and he will wrap his loving arms around you and your family and give you and your family the strength to deal with all that is going on. Enjoy to the fullest your holiday time. May God Bless you and family.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Love to all of you.
xx
Emilie, you called me once at the Pioneer Press asking me to share some wisdom with you. As a result of that lunch, I gained far more wisdom from you. Peace, peace, peace ...
Wishing you and your family peace during the journey ahead. May God bless you.
Emilie,
I have read your blog for the past several months but never posted. I am so sorry to hear your news.
I feel deeply for what you are going through. I am a fellow young adult cancer survivor (lymphoma) and my brother is in remission from soft-tissue sarcoma (two years now, knock wood).
I also am a psychologist and have worked for the past five years with cancer patients at the end of life. Some of the therapy work I have done is with young mothers and fathers who are in the process of saying goodbye to their children and spouses much too soon. The work is at a major cancer center and was part of a targeted intervention to help people find meaning at the end of life. It also has a component of creating a legacy project.
I mention all this because I'm wondering if you would want to do something akin to a legacy project (likely you already are). I've had moms make photo albums or videos speaking to their kids of their ever-present love, write letters to each of their children - sometimes with an accompanying gift - for each major milestone they are likely to miss(the various graduations from kindergarten on up, possible weddings, the probable birth of their children's first children, etc.) so that in that way they can be present as their children grow up, even if they can't be there physically.
Your blog of course is a powerful legacy that you leave behind for your boys and husband and for the world at large. It is a way that your voice and spirit continue to resonate.
I hope I haven't overstepped. I know that you are facing an enormously difficult and almost unthinkable reality. If there is anything I can do to help - or if you'd ever want to email or talk (not in a professional capacity of course, just as one human being to another), please feel free to email me and I could send my number.
I am glad you have found home hospice and I hope they can help you to feel as comfortable and as dignified as possible as you go through this stage of your journey.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Mo
Emilie,
I have read your blog for the past several months but never posted. I am so sorry to hear your news.
I feel deeply for what you are going through. I am a fellow young adult cancer survivor (lymphoma) and my brother is in remission from soft-tissue sarcoma (two years now, knock wood).
I also am a psychologist and have worked for the past five years with cancer patients at the end of life. Some of the therapy work I have done is with young mothers and fathers who are in the process of saying goodbye to their children and spouses much too soon. The work is at a major cancer center and was part of a targeted intervention to help people find meaning at the end of life. It also has a component of creating a legacy project.
I mention all this because I'm wondering if you would want to do something akin to a legacy project (likely you already are). I've had moms make photo albums or videos speaking to their kids of their ever-present love, write letters to each of their children - sometimes with an accompanying gift - for each major milestone they are likely to miss(the various graduations from kindergarten on up, possible weddings, the probable birth of their children's first children, etc.) so that in that way they can be present as their children grow up, even if they can't be there physically.
Your blog of course is a powerful legacy that you leave behind for your boys and husband and for the world at large. It is a way that your voice and spirit continue to resonate.
I hope I haven't overstepped. I know that you are facing an enormously difficult and almost unthinkable reality. If there is anything I can do to help - or if you'd ever want to email or talk (not in a professional capacity of course, just as one human being to another), please feel free to email me and I could send my number.
I am glad you have found home hospice and I hope they can help you to feel as comfortable and as dignified as possible as you go through this stage of your journey.
My heart goes out to you and your family.
Mo
Emilie - your story hits so (too) close to home for me. We are about the same age and we have 2 children almost exactly the same age. I, however, am healthy and am able to have one more blessed child, which we expect in March. The choice you made when you found out you had cancer is the bravest choice a woman can make - your unborn child's above your own. May God bless you and your family. I will continue to pray for you. Carol
Emilie - You dont know me but I wanted to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers daily. My heart aches for you all. May God bless you, your husband and your little boys.
Brandy & Family
Oh my. Whew, as a parent, I am sitting here completely overwhelmed with tears on my face. What a brave soul you are. Your children are so lucky to have a mother like you. These things just don't ever make sense. I will pray for you and your children every day. Thank you for sharing your story.
I am praying for you and your family.
I pray that God be with you during this time. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Dear Emilie,
I can't imagine you'd remember me, but we corresponded years ago via The Knot. I have spent the better part of the evening catching up on your story, and I'm heartbroken, in tears...I don't know why you and your family are suffering this fate, but I do know that your grace and spirit -- simply amazing! -- will live on, and will serve as inspiration to everyone who had the good fortune of knowing you.
May God bless you, Emilie, and your dear family.
All my best,
Ali
I know you're no longer reading this--but I can't stop thinking about you and just had to say it.
Steve, we're with you. Daniel and Ben, you have an amazing mom and dad. God bless you all.
Emilie, you and your family have been in our thoughts and prayers daily. We are saddened with the next phase but know that peace and comfort will follow. We want you to know that we were so blessed to have you as part of our family and that the memories we have had together, we will hold dear to us. We love you. Peggy and Charlie
Emilie,
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you are showered with peace and comfort as you embrace this next phase of your life.
Love you!
Victoria
Emilie, I'll be praying for a miracle.
I have grown from reading your story! You are a wonderful mom to those boys.
I hope you don't mind me checking in. God Bless you and your family!
May God be with you, Emilie, now and always. Thank you.
I just wanted to let you know that I am praying for you and your entire family.
Dear Emilie's family:
I have been praying for you and am so sad to hear of Emilie's passing. May you find peace and comfort during this difficult time. Please know that Emilie ha touched so many people who didn't even know her, like myself. What an amazing person. My heart goes out to you.
I am so sad to hear of Emily's passing on Christmas Eve. You had such strong faith in your salvation and that does my heart good. It is always darkest before the dawn, I suppose. Peace to Steve and the boys.
May God bless this family. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Steve,
I only knew of your wife via her blog. As a mother I send you my thoughts, my grief for your loss and my hope that Emilie is out of pain.
Love,
Laura in Seattle
To Emilie's husband and sons: You do not know me, but after reading just a bit of Emilie's story I felt compelled to write and let you know what I am sure you have heard many times already, that Emilie had an amazing gift to move and inspire. I just read a beautiful reflection on Emilie's grace and courage that a college friend of mine wrote on FaceBook. She, and now I, commented that Emilie's grace in handling her last days was a powerful reminder to appreciate each day and each of its moments. I live not too far from you, and while I am sure the next days and weeks will be filled with family and the need to be alone, if down the road you find yourselves in need of an extra pair of adult hands in the house I would be honored to pay tribute to Emilie's writing by stopping in on a Saturday afternoon to help with chores or play with the children (no charge). I can be reached at 612-325-1898 or at theyspeakvolumes@yahoo.com. My best wishes go out to each of you. Sincerely, Clarissa
Happy Birthday, Emilie. Love, "Moosh" and your now 8-year-old birthday twin, Madeline.
You are not forgotten.
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